spotless mind

bird by bird


Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott is one of the best books I've ever read. It's smart and filled with everything a writer needs to know; from shitty first drafts to intuition to battling the voices in your head. And because of these continuous conversations I have, some with imaginary people, I especially love the following words.


Quieting these voices is at least half the battle I fight daily. But this is better than it used to be. It used to be 87 percent. Left to its own devices, my mind spends much of its time having conversations with people who aren't there. I walk along defending myself to people, or exchanging repartee with them, or rationalizing my behavior, or seducing them with gossip, or pretending I'm on their TV talk show or whatever. I speed or run an aging yellow light or don't come to a full stop, and one nanosecond later am explaining to imaginary cops exactly why I had to do what I did, or insisting that I did not in fact do it.
I happened to mention this to a hypnotist I saw many years ago, and he looked at me very nicely. At first I thought he was feeling around on the floor for the silent alarm button, but then he gave the following exercise, which I still use to this day.
Close your eyes and get quiet for a minute, until the chatter starts up. Then isolate one of the voices and imagine the person speaking as a mouse. Pick it up by the tail and drop it into a mason jar. Then isolate another voice, pick it up by the tail, drop it in the jar. And so on. Drop in any high-maintenace parental units, drop in any contractors, lawyers, colleagues, children, anyone who is whining in your head. Then put the lid on, and watch all these mouse people clawing at the glass, jabbering away, trying to make you feel like shit because you won't do what they want--won't give them more money, won't be more successful, won't see them more often. Then imagine that there is a volume-control button on the bottle. Turn it all the way up for a minute, and listen to the stream of angry, neglected, guilt-mongering voices. Then turn it all the way down and watch the frantic mice lunge at the glass, trying to get to you. Leave it down, and get back to your shitty first draft.
A writer friend of mine suggests opening the jar and shooting them all in the head. But I think he's a little angry, and I'm sure nothing like this would ever occur to you.
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bookmania


my very-anxious-to-read list :


Delirium  by Laura Restrepo
P.S. Your Cat is Dead  by James Kirkwood
Volk's Game  by Brent Ghelfi
The Delivery Man  by Joe McGinniss Jr.
Sputnik Sweetheart  by Haruki Murakami
American Whiskey Bar by Michael Turner
The Brief History of the Dead  by Kevin Brockmeier
Hairstyles of the Damned  by Joe Meno
Homework  by Margot Livesey
Lux the Poet  by Martin Millar
The Tracey Fragments  by Maureen Medved
Woman's World  by Graham Rawle
The Witch of Portobello  by Paulo Coelho
The Dead Fish Museum: Stories  by Charles D'Ambrosio
The Book of Illusions  by Paul Auster
The Monsters of Templeton  by Lauren Groff
Firmin  by Sam Savage
Tell Me What You See  by Zoran Drvenkar
A Window Across the River  by Brian Morton
Wildwood Dancing  by Juliet Marillier
Her Last Death: A Memoir  by Susanna Sonnenberg



if you happen to have read any of these, let me know what you thought.
boondock saints

2009 ~

I had alot of fun this year. besides the whole getting sick part. We ended up driving to palm springs new year's eve, but we didn't leave till 9, so we got there like 20min before midnight. palm springs is where my friend Terri lives, and she had a party at her place.
Almost as soon as I walked in, some guy I don't know runs up to me with a sharpie telling me to sign his shirt.
Rocky kissed me at midnight. then Terri sprayed everyone with a bottle of champagne, and I really wish I had that on video. some guy wearing a white jacket got soaked the most. he looked confused and maybe a little scared.
Maybe an hour after midnight, the party got cleared out. then it was just me, rocky, terri, tony, and this other guy.. I can't remember his name. we all played beer pong, which was my first time to ever play beer pong. me and terri had this idea of using champagne instead of beer... don't ever do this.  unless champagne is the only thing you're drinking. let's just say, I got to know terri's bathroom pretty well that night. until 5 in the morning actually.
After we slept through our hangovers the next day, me and rocky went looking for this place called Pinkberry, but rocky kept calling it plumberries... this place was trippin me out and maybe trying to brainwash us. I guess they succeeded because I really want this toothpick holder they had...

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(no subject)

Is it weird that I'm reading three books at the same time?

I asked rocky this and he said yes. lol
I often wonder how many people actually do that... there's just so many books I want to read that I become overly anxious part way through the one I'm reading. so I end up with three or four. It becomes overwhelming though. I usually end up just picking one.

I didn't even notice till now, but the three I'm reading are all fantasy books. Valiant by Holly Black, an urban fantasy; Beauty by Robin McKinley, a retelling of Beauty & the Beast; and Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice. Valiant isn't as good as I thought it would be. still an okay book, and I still want to read Tithe, the first in the series.

I'm sitting here drinking coffee by myself. rocky and I fell asleep earlier around 6pm, then I woke up and tried to wake him up by jumping on the bed and bringing him some coffee. neither worked. 


stuff I got for christmas:

blue & purple knitted scarf, sparkly purple bracelets from my aunt.
painting of a green chair on a red canvas, euphoria perfume from mom&dad.
starbucks card, yummy cinnamon candle from my bro, brian& his wife.
book of poetry from rocky(five decades: poems by pablo neruda).
hot cocoa gift set from rocky's dad&family.
some gift cards: kohl's, barnes&noble, and best buy.

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spotless mind

art quiz..

Your result for What Your Taste in Art Says About You Test...

Extroverted, Progressive, and Intelligent

24 Cubist, -14 Islamic, -5 Ukiyo-e, -16 Impressionist, 11 Abstract and -31 Renaissance!

Cubism was a 20th century avant-garde movement, pioneered by Pablo Picasso and Georges Braque. It revolutionized European art and inspired changes in music and literature. The first branch of cubism, known as Analytic Cubism. It was both radical and influential as a short but highly significant art movement between 1908 and 1911 mainly in France. In its second phase, Synthetic Cubism, (using synthetic materials in the art) the movement spread and remained vital until around 1919.

People that chose Cubist paintings as their favorite art form tend to be very individualized people. They are more extroverted and less afraid of speaking their opinions then other people. They tend to be progressive and are very forward thinking. As the cubist painting is like looking into a shattered mirror where you can see different angles of the images, the people that prefer these paintings like looking at all angles of a problem. These people are intelligent and they are the transformers of our generation. They look beyond what is seen into what things could become. They are ready to leave the ideas of the past behind and look at what the future has to offer.

Take What Your Taste in Art Says About You Test at HelloQuizzy

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Writer's Block: Full Moon Fever

It's the full moon today. Almost every culture has its share of lunar lore, from werewolves to lunacy to true love. Do you believe that the full moon affects our behavior or do you think it's a myth?
I believe the moon has an affect on us just as it does on earth and the ocean's tide. I'm sure it's not as strong of an influence, of course, but it definitely has a smaller affect. I believe everything in our universe is connected.
spotless mind

what's beyond the starry sky?

I can't get over how powerful the universe is. unimaginably powerful. it makes our world feel so strange and fragile to me; at the same time, still solid and comforting. life and our existence makes some kind of sense, but in a very strange way. stars that existed billions of years ago live inside of us today. we carry them, and they posess us like an old ghost. pieces of gold and silver, once a part of their bright and burning bodies, are now the bones of these ancient stars.

spotless mind

(no subject)


So last tuesday was freakin horrifying... I came home from school, threw my keys on the table, started looking around for my kitten, Sajie, and then I went upstairs and noticed the bedroom light was on; I never leave my bedroom light on when I'm not home, so I knew something wasn't right. I creeped slowly into my room and as soon as I came to the closet, this man jumps out at me, shoves me into the bed, and then runs down the stairs and out the front door. I waited a few seconds before I ran outside to see where he went, but he was no where in sight.
It didn't look like he stole anything, but the next day Rocky noticed his wallet was missing, and there were a bunch of charges on his credit cards.

Now I can't walk past that stupid closet without being scared.

Rocky and I have been looking into this house that's behind my moms. This house is awesome. I love the back patio and the kitchen. I guess it's in foreclosure right now though, so we have to wait.

I was with my mom at this place called Red Doors Interiors, just hangin out on this comfy red couch, and I was thinkin how freakin cool it would be to have a house like the Red Doors Interiors building. It was like a big open building with brick walls, hardwood floors, and a high ceiling. And it had those cool lights that went straight across, from wall to wall, and each light pointed in a different direction. The only thing I would have to add is a spiral staircase on each side, in the middle of the room, that goes up to the coolest bedroom ever! It would be an open balcony!

My neighbors have sex alot.... we have thin walls....

So my sister left for Oklahoma this morning. I'm sad. we had some pretty fun times while she was here. She got me addicted to this game, Mystery Case Files - Prime Suspects. I can't stop playing... I stay up till the wee hours of the night.





I finished reading this book, Tweak by Nic Sheff, a few days ago. pretty good book, but I'm really into this book I just started yesterday, Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman. I've heard alot about Neil Gaiman's books, and already a couple chapters in, I can see why he's such a well-known and loved writer.
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